Smash the patriarchy? Start with yourself!

 Patriarchy. I don't have anything positive to add.  Because there are a lot of problems when it comes to “smashing the patriarchy.” Patriarchy, at its root, is a system that rigidly defines gender roles and values men for strength and power while dismissing their emotional and human needs.

They want to smash the patriarchy, but they have no idea what it even is. Because apparently people’s perception of patriarchy is that men are bad, and no man is ever good or a victim of anything, and that no woman could ever do bad.

They want men to open up about their feelings, but when they do, they mock them. They use their pain against them. When they take their life, they wish for more men to take their life. The concern I heard was that patriarchy tells men never to cry and to bottle up their emotions, yet the very people who want to smash the patriarchy are contributing that same thing. They don’t realize that they ARE the patriarchy that they want to hit. So maybe they should start with themselves. Not literally, but realizing that they’re not fixing the problem, they’re exacerbating it.

Another was societal expectation for men to be providers, never be nurturing or a stay-at-home dad. Yet they mock men and belittle them for not stepping up to the plate at the cost of their mental health, their dignity, and their bodily autonomy.

The patriarchy fails to acknowledge male victims, even ignores or excuses female predators or abusers. The ones who scream about the patriarchy contribute just that! They only talk about female victims and male perpetrators. Never would you hear a word about male victims except that they don’t believe they exist or are worthy of mockery and ridicule. They have no problem with people telling boys who were victims of female predators that they were “lucky.”

Patriarchy does not wish to listen to or support male victims of domestic violence. Men were always considered the abusers, and women who abuse were “victims.”

Some people do accuse all men, even ones who claim, “We don’t mean all men.” And if you try to poke holes in their misandry, you’re “why we choose bear!”

Patriarchy happily throws men into the battlefield to die in their war. If any refuse to go, they’re branded as a coward, and women have given them the white feather. They don’t care if the workplace kills them. They don’t care that the majority of the homeless are men!

Movies and shows belittle fathers, and movies where divorced dads have to jump through hoops, blaming them for problems they’re not at fault for. Movies make jokes about male victims, especially male survivors in prison.

Patriarchy demands that men “man up”, stop talking about their trauma, get over themselves, and other messed-up “advice.”

We don’t live in a society that cares about men, only what they provide.

Yes, there are issues that women faced under the patriarchy that deserve to be heard; the abortion rights, the expectation of women to be mothers and stay at home.

That patriarchy you cry about as a problem, you’re contributing to it yourself. The only way to end it is to stop doing what you accuse the patriarchy of doing. If we really want to end patriarchy, we have to hold ourselves accountable, all of us. That means listening to every victim, honoring every person’s pain, and finally admitting that double standards don’t liberate, they just reshape oppression.