How to Ruin a Good Idea in Three Words or Less: The “Defund the Police” Chronicles
By [Your Name]
Ah yes, 2020. The year everything was on fire—literally and metaphorically—and someone, somewhere, thought, “Hey, you know what this moment of national panic needs? A slogan that sounds like we want to throw every cop into the sun.”
Enter: DEFUND. THE. POLICE.
Was the goal nuanced and thoughtful? Yes.
Was the branding the equivalent of giving nuance a lobotomy and shoving it on Twitter? Also yes.
The Intent Was Pure. Like a Labrador in a Protest Vest.
Let’s be clear: the people who came up with “Defund the Police” weren’t sitting in a cave plotting the downfall of society.
They had a solid point:
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Maybe armed officers shouldn’t be responding to mental health crises.
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Maybe we could reduce crime by addressing poverty, addiction, and homelessness.
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Maybe we shouldn’t give local PDs more military gear than a Marvel villain.
That’s not crazy. That’s just common sense.
But instead of saying, “Hey, let’s talk about reallocating city budgets toward services that actually work,” they yelled:
“DEFUND THE POLICE!”
…which to the average voter sounds a lot like:
“Good luck with that home invasion, Karen, we sent a social worker with a tote bag and a therapy dog.”
The Slogan That Launched a Thousand Attack Ads
Right-wing media saw the slogan and collectively orgasmed.
Fox News: “Democrats want to dismantle law enforcement and turn your suburb into Mad Max starring drag queens and Antifa.”
Meanwhile, moderates blinked in confusion and quietly slid their “Black Lives Matter” sign behind a potted plant.
Even some liberals were like: “Wait… do we actually want to do that? Or just… fix it?” And the movement replied: “We don’t know either! But we’re yelling!!”
Where It Went Off the Rails
Bad Timing
Crime rates were ticking up post-COVID lockdown. People were already anxious. So naturally, the response was:
“Let’s tell them we’re taking away the only people who show up when you dial 911.”
Bold move, Cotton.
Mixed Messages
Some people meant “cut 10% and use it for community health.” Others meant “burn the precincts and plant kale gardens on the ashes.”
The result? No one knew what the hell “Defund” actually meant.
PR Disaster
“Reform the Police Responsibly and Reallocate Budgets Based on Community Needs” doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker—but at least it doesn’t sound like Gotham City after Commissioner Gordon quits.
Meanwhile, in Reality…
Police departments do need reform. Some act like they're starring in a GTA mod. Qualified immunity makes accountability nearly impossible. And let's not ignore the fact that too many departments are responding to everything—mental breakdowns, school discipline, lost dogs—with a gun and a scowl.
But here’s the thing:
Not every suspect is a misunderstood baby angel.
And not every cop is a fascist warlord in Oakleys.
Maybe, just maybe, we can admit that some people commit violent crimes, and some officers abuse power, and both of those things can be true without forcing everyone to pick a tribe.
So What Should We Have Said?
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“Public Safety Reinvestment”
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“Community First Policing”
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“Stop Giving Cops Grenade Launchers”
Literally anything other than “DEFUND THE POLICE.”
Heck, even:
“Take Some of the Cop Money and Use It to Stop Creating Future Crimes Through Poverty and Neglect While Also Reforming Accountability Standards in Law Enforcement So Officers Don’t Get Paid Vacations After Killing People”
Okay, that one’s long—but at least it tells the truth.
Final Thoughts: Nuance Is Not the Enemy
Here’s a wild idea: What if we stopped letting the dumbest people on either side define the conversation?
What if we could say:
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“Police shouldn’t be social workers.”
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“We need accountability in law enforcement.”
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“Violent criminals shouldn’t get a free pass because of vibes.”
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“Cops should not cosplay as RoboCop with tanks in school zones.”
And maybe we should fix systems with precision, not with slogans that sound like revenge fantasies written by a Twitter thread with 12 followers and a Che Guevara avatar.
Let’s not destroy public safety. Let’s make it smarter.
Because if I get mugged, I’d like someone to show up.
But if I’m having a panic attack, I’d prefer someone who doesn’t immediately reach for a taser.
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