my history part 1

 My history part 1 1997 - 1999

 

(I’m just going to tell bits and pieces of my history, I don’t remember too many details or an exact timeline, so it’s kind of scattered.)

 

 

(I’m going to talk about my teacher in high school. I want to make myself perfectly clear here, this is not a #metoo, I’m not trying to say she did anything because I don’t remember and I am not sure she did anything wrong. I’m not even trying to say I’m a victim either, because that’s disrespectful and it’s not what I’m trying to do here.)

 

I don’t think I want to say her name, only that she was a blonde woman teaching at my high school when I started. I was bullied every day for many of my school years. I hated it there. She was the only teacher that was kind to me. She seemed to understand I was upset and having trouble. I also had a school counselor who understood and tried to be helpful.

 

The thing is, I don’t remember any other teacher trying to take me and some male students to places for whatever reason. I remember she took me out to eat at a fast food during lunch. I don’t know what we discussed and didn’t think of it much.

 

I remember me and some other male classmates going to her place. There was a goldfish that was swimming with one fin up. We even went swimming in a pool. I remember because I nearly drowned when one student dunked my head under the water.

 

I don’t know much of anything else that happened at all. For all I know nothing did. I tell you this not to suggest she is a sexual predator, I do not know. But because it was one of those weird memories that scared me later after the fact. It is because, after a year or two, she left to another state. She had written me a letter. After that, there was no picture of her in yearbooks. It was like she didn’t exist.

 

Also, I’ve been hearing about female sexual predators more and the scariest thing was they all almost look exactly like her; blonde, skinny, and pretty. It did make me wonder about her and her intent. I mean for all I know it was just an innocent thing and no harm meant or I got away before anything bad happened. I honestly don’t know. I don’t want to accuse her, I don’t want to assume what isn’t true. Yes, I had not remembered bits and pieces, but it’s not always a sign of trauma. Sometimes it is. I especially don’t know because she did help keep me from unaliving myself.

 

That is all. Honestly, I tell you this because I think it’s important that parents be more involved in their kids lives and do not ignore signs of depression as some predators tend to gravitate to that and use it to groom kids. I think adults should not be attached to any kid, even if they have no ill intent.