Male victims of DV, SA, and rape exist.
Why does this concern me and why
should it matter to me? Because it exists, it happens to men as it does to women.
Everywhere you look; billboards
talk about female victims of DV, human trafficking, SA, and rape. Pushing the
narrative that men are abusers, rapists and pedophiles. A small minority of men and a small number of women do too. It’s a human issue and yet society
treats it like it only happens to women, never men. It’s not a wonder why men
don’t report their abuse, their rape to anybody. They push the lie that 99% of
rape is committed by men.
Crime documentaries talk about
female rape victims almost always but never mention a single male victim of
rape. Law and order and CSI touch on that sometimes, but no one seems to be too
concerned, “If this is happening to boys and men, why are we not hearing about
it outside, or why are the people in charge not doing anything about it?” Male
victims of DV, SA, and rape happened a lot more often than people realize, but
crime shows never want to touch on that subject. It is because they want to
keep pushing the narrative: “Men bad, women good.” Even though they would show
male victims, it’s usually homicide or murder by a girlfriend or wife.
Movies and shows would make male
victims a joke, like fondling a guy under the table who didn’t want this and it’s
supposed to be a funny movie. Switch the gender and you would have an outrage
and demand that the people involved be punished for mocking female victims. Teenage
boys are often depicted as horny perverts desperate to get laid by an older woman.
What books talk about male victims?
There’s rarely anywhere. Go to Barnes and Noble and you wouldn’t find a single
book on it. I found a book, “on being raped” in a bookstore in Elliot Bay
Bookstore in Seattle, which was sandwiched between two huge books to hide it.
And it was just the one and only book I found on it. You could find some books
on it on Amazon, but you would have to be actively looking for it. People are trying to hide it, even online.
Online, you would find many people
saying the same tiring lie, “99% of rape is done by men!” both men and women
commit crimes, and both men and women are victims of these crimes. It’s a human
issue, not a gendered issue. But they’ll keep saying it is gendered and they’ll
keep dehumanizing men as rapists and abusers when most are not. They never
talk about female rapists, pedophiles, abusers, or murderers.
Online, you would find that many
people would say, “But men love sex, so they can’t be raped.” I love pizza, but
I wouldn’t want to be forced to eat it when I don’t want it! Maybe I’m not
hungry, maybe it’s not my favorite kind of pizza, maybe I had pizza yesterday
and want something else, maybe I’m sick. Liking something doesn’t mean you can’t
say no to it sometimes. It’s dehumanizing men, it’s making men out to be inhuman
and incapable of saying no, but they do. Men do say no, they do resist. The sad thing too is if a man refused to engage with a woman, he must be gay. That’s
the dumbest thing to say; he could have a girlfriend and didn’t want to cheat
on her, he could be just not into her, even if he is gay it’s not a bad thing
or justifiable to treat him badly, he could have been a victim of SA or rape
himself, it could be many things.
“if he has an erection or cums,
then it’s not rape, because he wanted it.” Body response to stimuli, it’s not a
sign of consent. Men get erections even when he isn’t wanting it.
This is also why the rape
apologists would say, “Only men can rape, because he has a penis.” Rape is
forcing yourself against someone’s will. Envelopment of the penis, that
constitute rape when he didn’t want it. Also, what can little boys do
against adults who violate them? Why do these people defend female rapists and
pretend that boys and men can’t be raped?
“He’s lucky, wish I had a hot
teacher when I was his age.” Nothing makes me want to vomit so badly than
people who think it’s hot to have some older woman sexually assault you as a
teenage boy or younger. “But boys are different from girls.” I don’t know what
justification there is for that, but no one should be sexually assaulting or
raping anybody. Your own sick fantasy is not what everyone fantasizes about. Even if
a boy has had sexual fantasies about some teacher, babysitter, or stepmother, it’s
not an open invitation to violate him nor is it permissible for any adult to
act on that. Real life is not porn!
“But he’s bigger, stronger, he can
handle it.” Or “But men are physically stronger, there’s no way he can be
raped.” Physical strength has nothing to do with being able to fend off an
attack. Especially when it can be calculated and planned. Such as lowering
their guard and gaining their trust, slipping them a roofie, trapping them in a
compromising position where they can’t escape when they are asleep, drunk,
or forced by the use of a weapon, or by blackmail or coercion. Sometimes it can
be being attacked where you wouldn’t see it coming, so you’re at a
disadvantage. Strength is mostly useless in this regard.
“Stop distracting the issue from
the real victims.”
Often times we hear people say that
only women are victims of SA or rape and if a man speaks about it, he’s derailing
the conversation or making it about him. Nothing can be further from the
truth. No one is silencing women, but men are being silenced. Few don’t believe
women, and most men do not believe. Even when a man is believed, he is ridiculed
with, “You must have wanted it.” “Now you know how women feel” as if men had never
been raped since the dawn of time. But they have.
Men and boys get abused, SA, and
raped in the military, in prison, in school, by a family member, by religious
leaders, by a partner, and more. It happens far more often than people realize
and it needs to be addressed. As long as we ignore this, rape against men and
boys will continue to happen.
Also, physical assaults are not
justified because a man is “stronger.” Never should anyone be abusing anybody. Not
to mention that abuse isn’t always physical but emotional, mental, and more.
Women oftentimes belittle,
humiliate, put down, call names, threaten, falsely accuse, dehumanize, mock
their male partners. Of course, lesbian couples have the highest domestic violence,
which is telling.
Men’s emotions are valid and it matters.
Too many times I hear a bunch of
guys and women saying that men shouldn’t cry or express emotions. Somehow
emotions are a sign of weakness. “Do not cry, do not show the world you cry, it’s
only permissible if it’s the way I want it, I want a man who would protect me
and my family, and it’s unmanly!”
Compassion, empathy, emotion, sympathy,
bonding, and such are not a sign of weakness nor is it wrong. You can be
compassionate, empathic, emotional, and sympathetic and still be strong protective, and brave.
The combination of those things is
not unrealistic. It makes no sense as to why men shouldn’t cry or express
feelings. I’ve already seen what these types of men who say, “MEN DON’T CRY!
STOP BEING A LITTLE NANCY!” are like.
We live in a society that pushes
for the traditional gender norm of men to be strong, independent, or resourceful.
The expectation is that men were supposed to be stoic, fearless, and resourceful
like in movies and video games. Men are supposed to be tough, rugged, and thick-skinned. Not afraid of anything. To open up is to be emasculating or unmanly.
To open up is to face ridicule, mockery, insults, and even bullying or assaults.
They say you have to “grow a pair.”
Because to even utter that you’re afraid or even have a small tear over
anything makes you gay or a woman. If you get your leg cut off, you’re supposed
to just laugh it off and grab a beer. If a boy is terrified of waters, throw
him in, because he’s a little sissy. If he dies, he dies!
Puff up those muscles, and intimidate
other men who dare to look at you or at your woman. Your woman is a possession
to be kept by you. Kill any man who dares to challenge you or mock you, because
you’re so thick-skinned and tough.
Be the Terminator, be Rambo, be
like Clint Eastwood in his Wild West movies. Because to be anything less is
fruity and deserving of being beaten up and left for dead!
You need to rely on yourself.
Whatever happens to you, shrug it off and get back to work. Make some money,
raise a family, raise the roof, grab a gun, and threaten little boys who dare to
date your daughter! You need to make more money and more resources because to
have less means you’re a commie, a loser, a weakling unworthy of walking
alongside strong successful men!
Don’t express fear, don’t you dare
cry! Haven’t you heard the song in Mulan? BE A MAN! Must be tough, be swift as
the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the
strength of a raging fire. God forbid should you be less than that, you little
worm!
If I lay dying in the street,
broken and bloody, are you just going to come to me and say, “Stop being a
whiny little sissy and walk it off!” Should I ever have gone through anything
horrible in life, I’m supposed to just pretend it didn’t affect me and go on
like everything is fine, I didn’t just get assaulted, or raped, or tortured, or
beaten up and bloodied, or anything.
“Tim, you look like hell!”
“Well, I was jumped by a bunch of
dudes, but I’m alright, I am a strong man, I can’t be beaten! I have balls of steel,
I have moves like Jet Li, I’m tough as Arnold Schwarzenegger, I’m fearless and
wild like Toshiro Mifune!”
“Damn Tim, despite all the hells
you went through, you’re all fine and all, get back to work. You’re still a
little wuss, mentioning you get jumped!”
Is it so frightening for you to
show compassion and offer help? Do you think it makes you effeminate and gay? Are
you so evil that you would think so little of others?
I wouldn’t want to live in a world
like that. Where we wouldn’t help one another, listen to one another, support
one another, and show some compassion. If a man breaks down and sobs in front of
me I don’t think, “Oh my god, what a fag. Man up, you pussy!” No, I would sit
with him, listen to him, support and be considerate and compassionate.
What’s worse is women who are just
as venomous as the self-hating brutes that think tears make you gay. It goes to
show that women aren’t sugar, spice, and everything nice after all. Just nasty, and
spiteful.
Of course, to open up is to reveal
yourself to someone who could take advantage of it and hurt you. It’s a good
idea to be cautious about who you can trust. But never should it mean you shouldn’t
open up at all. We should care about
each other, be supportive, and be a listening ear.
We men may not be all about talking
about our emotions, but wanting solutions to our problems, which is why I think
that’s exactly what we should do. We do need shelters for men, we do need to
make noise about men who are victims and deserving of being heard and
supported.
But of course, not like this! No,
we men don’t need support groups! No, we just need a good swift kick in the
ass. No, men don’t need DV shelters or shelters for homeless men, they just
need to stop being babies and grow up.
It’s crap like this is why I’m more
and more in line with Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker. ‘How about another Joke, Murray?
What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that
abandons him and treats him like trash? I’ll tell you what you get. You get
what you deserve.”
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