"Why do so many women still buy into the patriarchy? I get so annoyed when I ask my married friends or relatives to do something with me for the day and their response so often is ‘I will have to check with my husband first’. Really???" from a tweet.
Let me explain something.
whether you're a girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband, you place value on the partner you're with.
let's say I am with my boyfriend. I have a friend who tells me, "We're going to go someplace for a day, want to come?"
I want to check in with my boyfriend. why? Because I value him, I cherish him and I believe that he deserves to know what is going on.. imagine if I didn't tell him and went off anyway. He would be hurt and feel like I didn't value him at all.
If my partner did this to me, I would feel very hurt and betrayed. it makes me think what else he was doing.
This isn't about controlling your partner or seeking permission, this is about valuing your partner.
imagine if I told my partner, "Hey, Tom said he wanted me to come with him for a day at this place."
"Oh, well I was hoping we would go to the movies tonight."
"Ah ok, then I will tell him I can't go. So what movie do you have in mind?"
"Well, I saw this film and looks very cool. i want to see it and I want you there with me."
"Oh, that sounds awesome, definitely. I'll tell Tom, next time."
or
"Tom was thinking about inviting me to this place for a day."
"Oh, that's cool. I was thinking of finishing the work I wanted to do. Gives me time. Have fun."
That's how it works.
This concept of "patriarchy" is silly. All that mattered was that you entrust and care about your partner. Sneaking off behind his back or her back is dishonest and hurts the relationship. It's why you need to communicate.
I don't personally believe in knowing every single thing your partner does. simply being told what you're up to or vice versa gives each other the opportunity to express what we thought or wanted.
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